My work as a professional dominatrix and therapist allows me to delve into the depths of human psychology, exploring both its light and shadow sides. While I have discussed the transformative power of a responsible Pro Domme in my previous writings, it is crucial to illuminate the darker facets of this industry, notably the emergence of dangerous “Dommes”.
A smaller fraction of individuals in the Pro Domme industry may display concerning psychological traits and personality disorders, such as pathological lying, plutomania, grandiose delusions (GD), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). While not reflective of the entire BDSM community, understanding these harmful characteristics is essential for ensuring safety and consent within this realm.
A ‘Dominant’ figure is a beacon of guidance, nurturing, and safety in the BDSM landscape. They have the great responsibility of steering their submissive clients through their explorations. However, the previously mentioned disorders can warp this role into a harmful manipulation of power and control.
Pathological lying, (also known as mythomania and pseudologia fantastica) for instance, can erode the foundation of trust that BDSM relationships rely on. This compulsive or habitual lying can distort the Domme-submissive dynamic, leading to situations that could be potentially harmful or non-consensual.
Plutomania, or an unhealthy obsession with wealth, can exploit the financial aspect of a BDSM relationship. Pro Dommes with this trait may prioritize monetary gain over the mental and physical wellbeing of their submissive clients and partners, disregarding the agreed-upon boundaries and causing emotional or financial distress.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) involves an inflated sense of self-importance and a craving for admiration. These personality disorders can be particularly harmful in a BDSM setting, where empathy and understanding of a submissive’s boundaries, needs, and consent are paramount. Individuals with these disorders may lack the capacity to prioritize their submissive’s needs or emotions, leading to a neglectful or even abusive power dynamic.
Finally, grandiose delusions (GD) involve false beliefs about one’s superiority, wealth, or intelligence. In the context of BDSM, such delusions can lead a Domme to overstep boundaries and disregard safety measures, believing that they are immune to consequences or can do no harm.
In conclusion, while BDSM can provide a safe and therapeutic exploration of power dynamics, it is essential to remain vigilant and informed about potential pitfalls. Understanding these harmful personality traits can empower individuals within the BDSM community to navigate this space safely, ensuring that their experiences remain consensual, respectful, and enriching. Always remember: a responsible Pro Domme prioritizes your safety, boundaries, and emotional wellbeing above all.
In my personal journey and opinion:
I set out with the intention of forging friendships within the dominatrix community. It was my hope to find camaraderie and shared experiences with fellow Dommes. While I indeed established bonds with a few genuinely wonderful individuals, I also became acutely aware of a shadowy undercurrent in our community.
I encountered individuals who projected grandiose delusions. Dommes who feigned affluence that, upon closer examination, was non-existent. This kind of pretense, I discovered, was more common than I had initially anticipated. Pathological lying also emerged as a prevalent issue, with certain individuals denying indisputable truths even when confronted with compelling evidence.
A troubling level of self-centeredness was evident in some, a trait often associated with plutomania and untreated narcissistic personality disorder. These individuals seemed more engrossed in self-gain and self-adulation, oblivious or indifferent to the repercussions their actions could have on others.
Once, I participated in a duo session with a fellow Domme who often preached about consent on her socials. Yet, during this session, she ignored a specific request from the client, causing him distress. She simply laughed it off and carried on. This experience is why I now choose to do limited collaborations with other Dommes.
It’s particularly challenging for submissives since most Dommes require payment before even speaking with you, limiting the opportunity to get to know them beforehand. Therefore, it can be tough to discern their true character. To mitigate this, do your research. Examine their website (a lack thereof could be a red flag), assess their payment methods to ensure professionalism, and check their social media accounts since their behavior may vary across platforms. Don’t hesitate to ask questions, share your feelings, and send several messages for better understanding.
In summary, while I was fortunate to meet some exceptional Dommes and create valuable connections, I also witnessed the darker aspects of our community, ranging from grandiose delusions to pathological dishonesty and unbridled narcissism.
Having encountered this darker side of the dominatrix community, I made a conscious decision to embrace authenticity and transparency in my professional and personal life. I chose to openly share both my vulnerabilities and accomplishments, in the hope of fostering genuine connections and painting a real picture of who I truly am.
I don’t shy away from discussing the health challenges I face or the loss of my son or the profound journey of altering my name as a symbolic break from my Jehovah’s Witness family, a choice I’ve made to honor my individual path. However, I also celebrate and share my victories, so as not to give the impression that I too may be grappling with grandiose delusions. I will not merely talk about it I will show proof of it.
My achievements span a wide range: from my work as a fashion week designer, recognized by Vogue, to my collaboration with the National Geographic Channel for the Titanic artifact exhibition. My archaeological pursuits, my role in TV and MTV award styling, and even my noble lineage, which is reflected in my chosen title, ‘The Lady Lux’. Personally, I find it difficult to resonate with grandiose titles like ‘queen’, ’empress’, or ‘goddess’. They strike me as artificial and pretentious.
In my commitment to authenticity, I steer clear of dubious practices I see other Dommes do like showcasing doctored payment screenshots or or they pretend being financially prosperous. I find such pretenses tasteless and disingenuous. Of course, you can speculate about my lifestyle by looking at things I post like the coat that once belonged to Marilyn Monroe, for which I have displayed notarial documents, or the designer dresses and shoes I wear, the jewelry I adorn, and the environments I inhabit.
However, parading material wealth or sharing fabricated images is not my style. I deeply believe that life’s true riches extend beyond tangible possessions. The wealth of life experiences, health, the richness of knowledge, and the treasure of genuine friendships, these are the markers of a life well-lived. These are the aspects of wealth that I prefer to amass and celebrate.
I believe in the power of authenticity in being unapologetically who we are. That is the advice I offer to fellow Dommes. We are all humans, with our strengths and flaws, our victories, and defeats. To truly connect with others, we must first have the courage to be ourselves.